And the Stars Said...
I'm taking some time out today to pamper myself, but in an effort not to disappoint, I'm leaving you all with some rather entertaining quotes from these well known celebrities.
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
~Sharon Stone
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
~Jack Nicholson
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
~Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
~Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
~Robin Williams
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
~Rod Stewart
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
~Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame
everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
~George Burns
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
~Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
~Tiger Woods
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'"
~Patricia Arquette
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
~Rev. Jesse Jackson
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
~Roseanne Barr
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful."
~Sean Connery
"Having sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
~George Burns
"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
~Hugh Grant
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
~Dustin Hoffman
"When the sun comes up, I have morals again".
~Elizabeth Taylor
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
~Jerry Seinfield
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
~Robin Williams
I hope you enjoyed those funnies.
- NewcastleBoy
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
~Sharon Stone
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
~Jack Nicholson
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
~Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
~Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
~Robin Williams
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
~Rod Stewart
"On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars."
~Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame
everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan."
~George Burns
"There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do."
~Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
~Tiger Woods
"Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'"
~Patricia Arquette
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
~Rev. Jesse Jackson
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
~Roseanne Barr
"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful."
~Sean Connery
"Having sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
~George Burns
"In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
~Hugh Grant
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
~Dustin Hoffman
"When the sun comes up, I have morals again".
~Elizabeth Taylor
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'"
~Jerry Seinfield
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
~Robin Williams
I hope you enjoyed those funnies.
- NewcastleBoy
posted by NewcastleBoy at
1:01 am
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